did Ozzy Osbourne

bite the head off an actual bat

or did he bite the top of D’Elia’s

unforgettable ash 32” baseball bat?

there’s much debate about this

between the articles of baseball lore

and rock n’ roll’s sleazy legends.

now Ozzy’s dead and D’Elia

cannot be reached for comment.

a reporter for the Holmes Gazette 

recently stated: given D’Elia’s

age and condition (accurate bunter,

fast up the first base line, couldn’t hit for shit)

we don’t have much time to get the left-

fielder’s side of the story.”