what was I thinking?

last week, long enough ago as to smear

clarity with the fog of remembrance,

I found myself wanting to beat someone up;

a loudmouth from the lineup, the crackpot across the street,

the Witness at the door hawking reservations to Kingdom Come.

but the last time I simply raised my voice at someone I got dizzy

and stumbled backward into another entirely different room.

occasionally, I'll consider buying a small calibre handgun

justifying the acquisition as a self defense mechanism, although

it's unlikely that anybody out there is actually out to get me.

I saw myself standing at the counter looking as guilty as a robber.

maybe the guy back there will give me instructions

on how to properly load and clean the workings of the little,

deadly apparatus in my hand. "hmm..good balance" I said, stupidly.

while I'm there I might go out back to shoot some paper.

of course none of this will ever come to be.

I mean, christ.

another white old-timer with a gun?

christ.