operator?

good morning. I’d like to speak to God.

yes. I can hold....

hello?

I’m on hold for God.

no. not that one.

not that one either.

no. the other one.

which number do I press

for the God who won’t

show up at the children’s wing.

well, that’s the one I want.

no. not the magician.

no. not the one who hates

people that make change.

my niece is a cashier at the

Stop & Shop and she’s fine.

I want the one who

laid down the rules

who kills everybody

the one who’s murdered

everything that ever existed.

that’s the one I want to speak to.

yep. I can leave a message.

tell him to show his fuckin’

hairy-ass face in the children's wing!