-the Mutual Admiration Society-

It's become increasingly easy

To piss somebody off when visiting

The Mutual Admiration Society. (M.A.S.)

For the past few years I've been a member

In fair-to-middlin’ standing, keeping a low profile,

Bobbing and weaving like a digital featherweight.

There used to be a time long before the M.A.S. when

Days would pass before someone unfriended 

Somebody else.

Face-to-face inquiries would be made,
Accusations handed down, defensive postures drawn,

Varying accounts of the situation proposed, and

Ultimately, two-sided threats of retribution.

In fact, the term “unfriend” was created by

The Mutual Admiration Society in order

To make the task of killing-off a friendship

Quicker and cleaner,–– 

Like slicing a head at the guillotine.

So I keep my friends at the M.A.S. to a minimum.

Taking on more would be akin to the leaking

Inflatable taking on impossible water in the middle of shit creek.

In the arena of the Mutual Admiration Society,

There’s no door to knock.

There’s no envelope to lick.

And when an unfriend dies,

Although we may be intrigued,

Although we might look-in on the proceedings,

Although we might sneer from a safe distance:

"Better you than me"––

There’s no need to attend the funeral.

Hell, we won’t even be obligated to sign our names

To the digital "Book of Condolences" application.

Quick, clean and easy.

One click: "Unfriend"

And done.