-pretending in order to justify the pretense-

I don’t know what to think about today.

I do know that it’s difficult not to think about

those experiences, the sensibilities derived from house,
neighborhood, playground, schoolyard...

but the primal sensation of rebellion,
the rite of passage for me

might have begun with the church,
still the overwhelming force of my early neighborhood,

in not wanting to go there anymore.

I woke-up one Sunday morning

with the thought of going someplace else
acquiescing to parental insistence to "get ready for church".

but the time would come when I'd go someplace else,

pretending to the home authorities of having gone to the church.

I told them that I "took communion", an unconscious utterance
which served to anchor the deception.

the prerequisite of receiving communion was the confessional.

that happened on Saturday.

strange,

that I would go to confession on Saturday, knowing

I wouldn’t be going to the church on Sunday,
let alone receiving the holy sacrament in the church
I would not be going to.

the plan was in place;

go to the diner instead, along with other conspirators;
the others of my kind.

strange,

that I’d go so far as to volunteer the receiving 

of the sacrament of communion as soon as I stepped in the house
and I think I’d like to think about that today.