historical incidents 

Jesus brushed his teeth with Pepsodent.

Jesus liked the taste of Pepsodent.

Jesus had a boner for chlorophyll.

Jesus used Halo shampoo to wash his hair.

Jesus liked the idea of Halo shampoo.

Halo was safe for the kids and it was said

he loved the little children of the world.

Only this world.

The kids of Pluto were rubbed out—

turned to frozen stone.

Jesus would use this atrocity to turn

Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt.

maybe she deserved it. who can say?

we know now what little pricks the kids

on Pluto were.

Jesus’ description:

Jesus was a white man, five foot six with blue eyes

and goldilocks curls of hair.

he looked like Thomas Keely, “most handsome”.

Thomas would later become assistant manager

of the vegetable bins at the Stop and Shop.

Jesus came back to Earth in the image of Donald Trump.