the pineapple

it’s the symbol of hospitality, but

its juice is dangerous to consume according to

many pharmaceutical advisories.

also, the pineapple rates poorly among 300

hypochondriacs recently polled by Quinnipiac.

its got more scales than many fish, and its cloak is nearly as hard

as the shell of the tortoise, and yet the tortoise runs faster.

oh, and its meat is stringier than the cartilage

which holds us in place!

the pineapple looks okay on the mantelpiece

when reproduced in cut glass, but so does everything else,

and apart from the produce bins, it’s rarely seen

with other pineapples,–– 

and even when shown

as a symbol of hospitality, it’s always alone.

and let's face it; when you bring a pineapple

home from the grocery, do you really feel

comfortable in knowing what you have to do with it?

isn't the purchase immediately regrettable?

sure, you'll eventually cut into it, cube it,

and concoct some sort of platter of it for company, but

danger lurks with every movement of the knife.

oh, and it’s menacing. it’s the black hole of fruits..

or vegetables..or botanicals..or bromeliads or whatever

classification it happens to land upon in the moment.

but who knows? certainly not me.

just make it easy on yourselves and keep your distance

from the pineapple.